Online Dating is Not an Instant Messaging Service

I knew it…as soon as Tinder became a “thing” the entire online dating world would be rocked to the core. Everyone would start to take the easy way out because minimal effort is best…RIGHT?

WRONG! Tinder has brought about the ruin of online dating with its reliance on the idea of instant messaging. You swipe and you pass and deny all those faces, until something catches your eye, and then you send them a “Hey” and they send back a “Hey” and you send back a “how are you?” and so on. It takes the mundane-ness (yes I just made that word up) of life to a new level where people can skip the magic and get right into the awkward talking-as-if-we-are-already-friends point. This is not ok. Where is the magic, the mystery, the old fashioned glory of sending someone a long message, and waiting in anticipation for their reply. Slowly but surely delving into the story telling, heart bearing, words of two people coming to understand and know each other.


And yes, I concede, some people are on Tinder and they don’t want to date, it is strictly for sex, which is valid and fine, I get it, I still don’t really get it. But the problem is that this attitude has moved beyond Tinder, and into sites like POF and OKCupid. Gone are the days when messages are even a few sentences long. The “belief” in the method of Tinder to find love has ruined us. Technological ease has pacified us into thinking that this is ok.

If you can’t send one page of writing, how on earth are we going to sit down for coffee or dinner and have a REAL conversation. If all you can think to say is “Hey”….hey….hey…where on earth is the rest? Where are YOU in that message. Send me a letter, write me a grammatically correct (or at least the attempt) well thought out letter. Tell me your hopes and dreams, show me that you have things to say, words in your head. No longer do I have the luxury of rejecting someone based on the content of their words, no the standards have been lowered gentleman. See how easy the instant messaging world is going to make it for you, write a letter, and you are already ten steps ahead of everyone else out there. And this is the ONLY platform where length really does matter.


Maybe this new trend will wear us down, leave us no other choice than to join the mindless instant messaging service type of online dating. But not me, not yet, I am holding out for the hero at the end of the night For that special person that can write me a letter.

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